Blink of an Eye

#37 - Mediation for the Mediator

#37 - Mediation for the Mediator

 

The volume, the tension, old wounds filled the dining room as Billy and Louise knew they were in trouble and needed to come to some resolution in order to get back to Archer as one unified heart. This is a messy episode. Louise’s trusted and professional friend, Rachel Wohl, was more than a fly on the wall while witnessing two people she cared about in the throws of trauma - she was brought in to help them actually hear each other. Her discomfort in unfamiliar territory also shows the strength of her deep love for the Senft family.

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 29: Mediation for the Mediator  August 10, Day 6. 

Listen in afterwards to Episode 29: Mediation for the Mediator Trauma Healing Learning. 

In this Episode you will hear an interview excerpt from

Rachel Wohl. She is a dear friend of Louise’s. Rachel is a retired lawyer and 

the former Executive Director of the Mediation and Conflict Resolution Office for the Maryland judiciary. She is also a mindfulness teacher and a volunteer mediator in international and social justice. 

 
#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

#36 - Mediation for the Mediator Trauma Healing Learnings

#36 - Mediation for the Mediator Trauma Healing Learnings

 

Two steps forward, one step back was the best Billy and Louise could hope for as they were in the throws of mediation to give them strength to pick themselves up again and again after falling apart several times since Archer’s accident. In this trauma healing learnings episode, Louise drives home the importance of bringing in a neutral party to help navigate a crisis - even when it gets very messy, and loud.

 

You may find tips for yourself, and ones you can share with a friend or family member going through a traumatic situation, tips that can aid in recovery from the trauma. Such tips can also begin to relieve suffering and be the bridge of a partnership. 

If you haven’t listened already to the story behind this learning, please listen in on Episode 29: Mediation for the Mediator. 

#35 - Tell Him Everything

#35 - Tell Him Everything

 

Do people remember their near-death experiences? Will telling someone in the hospital everything dash their hopes or empower them?  Put their mind at ease or create despair? What about when it’s your child? This is what Louise and Archer discussed as Archer continued to ask when he would be off the lung machines. Does he want to know everything?  Everything? What about parental boundaries? You’ll also hear the other side of the hospital experience from that of a trauma doctor who assured Louise no one will ever forget working with Archer and her family and how a patient’s trauma has lasting effects on medical staff - both positive and negative. 

 

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 28: Tell Him Everything August 9 DAY 5 and how to be a witness for each other's truth as we walk together on the trauma integration journey.

Listen in afterwards to what we can learn together about trauma. Episode 28: Tell Him Everything Trauma Healing Learnings

In this episode, you will hear from 

Dr. Raymond Talucci, who was the Acting Chief of trauma at Atlanticare Hospital in Atlantic City, New Jersey the day Archer was medivaced to Atlanticare August 5, 2015, and for the duration of his stay at Atlanticare for 30 days.

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

#34 - Tell Him Everything Trauma Healing Learnings

#34 - Tell Him Everything Trauma Healing Learnings

 

Medical information should be complete, forthcoming and easy to digest. But when you have many people at many levels involved in the care of a loved one, they all interpret the truth differently. They may think it’s complete, but they can only share what they understand and what they feel they are permitted to share. Then we have the job to decide how much medical truth is to be shared with not only the patient, but others who are emotionally invested and whom the patient relies upon. Louise walks us through the questions to consider in various scenarios to help us have the conversation before it becomes necessary to have the conversation. And she takes a look at how such conversations might ease the later trauma integration journey. 

 

If you haven’t listened already to the story behind this learning, please listen in on Episode 28: Tell Him Everything

#32 - No Time for Tears

#32 - No Time for Tears

 

You will hear Insights from Archer’s highschool friends, young men, on what it was like for them to experience their paralyzed friend. Why do we hold back our tears? She explores this with them. Louise also explores why she is beginning to experience mixed emotions with the medical staff: all the medical information is conflicting. Which is it? She wants to know the truth?  She feels slammed from a raging sea from all sides.  Will she and Billy capsize? She is aware of compartmentalizing the truth she wants to hear, but she wants real medical information. It is not forthcoming. She wonders if she is becoming at odds with the medical staff. Listen in to how she keeps Archer’s spirits up as she also shares more epiphanies she had this day, and is reminded to be alert.

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 27: No Time for Tears August 9. DAY 5.  

Listen in afterwards to what we can learn together about trauma. Episode 27: No Time for Tears Trauma Healing Learnings

In this episode you will hear audio recording excerpts from August 2015, of a spontaneous audio car recording of Louise driving to the hospital, and another of Mike Detterman,  Archer’s friend since grade school days in Baltimore .

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

 

#33 - No Time for Tears Trauma Healing Learnings

#33 - No Time for Tears Trauma Healing Learnings

 

Trauma takes a long-term toll on the body, especially if all we do is store it away and simply say, “I held it together, I’m fine, it’s over.” If it were only that simple. What about tears? Is a good cry helpful or not? Trauma can settle into our bodies and cause us trouble years later. Holding it together may be commendable, but it’s only a Band-Aid. You deserve more than a temporary fix so you can get back to living life fully.  The good news is there are many guides available to help us through trauma. Come hear about ones that are available for you at your fingertips and about the miracles of the body to restore itself.  

 

If you haven’t listened already to the story behind this learning, please listen in on Episode 27: No Time for Tears

 

#31 - Little Angel

#31 - Little Angel

 

It’s such a privilege to take care of someone when they truly cannot for themselves. Sometimes in a moment, no matter how strong we are, we don’t realize we are incapable of taking care of ourselves. That’s when angels step in. Louise’s beach friend, Mary Ellen McNally was in the right place at the right time to catch Louise as she collapsed. How they ended up in the perfect place for each other is what you will hear about. What Louise didn’t know, is that she was the gift to Mary Ellen as well.

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 26: Little Angel August 9. DAY 5. 

Listen in afterwards to what we can learn together about trauma. Episode 26: Little Angel Trauma Healing Learnings

In this Episode you will hear audio recording excerpts from August 2015, of Mary Ellen McNally is an analytical chemist for Dupont at the time of Archer’s accident and now for FMC in their agriculture division. Mary Ellen was one of Louise’s beach friends when Archer was injured on August 5 2015 in Cape May New Jersey.

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

#30 - Little Angel Trauma Healing Learnings

#30 - Little Angel Trauma Healing Learnings

 

Trauma happens. Healing trauma is a process. We can get stuck in our trauma experiences, but some memories step in to give us respite during the journey without our even realizing it. Have you ever been in a stressful situation and your mind wanders to a peaceful memory that calms you? That’s no accident. Those epiphanies can renew us, give us strength to carry on. They give us hope when we need it most. It could be a song, a soothing voice you remember, a place that brought you joy, a moment, such as the first time you gazed at your new baby. What is it for you? Tune in as we learn together. We all have these respite resources if we are open.  Where do those little respite epiphanies come from that seem to come out of the blue? Join Louise to learn what happens when we open our eyes to resources that carry us on our trauma healing journeys.

If you haven’t listened already to the story behind this learning, please listen in on Episode 26: Little Angel

#29 - I Didn’t See This One Coming

#29 - I Didn't See This One Coming

 

Louise and Billy were in trouble as they were both stretched beyond capacity in Day 5 of Archer’s catastrophic injury. There were many people in and out of Archer’s hospital room, many machines, too much unknown, and too much was out of their control. It was way beyond simple, sleep deprivation and fear. Did they need to sell their house, their business, move? If not handled correctly, this could be a devastating turning point for their family. She also raises questions for medical staff about transparency. Louise invites you into one of the most intimate pieces of her life, her marriage. She does it to help you know you are not alone and all is not lost.

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 25: I Didn't See This One Coming August 9. DAY 5. 

Listen in afterwards to what we can learn together about trauma. Episode 25: I Didn't See This One Coming Trauma Healing Learnings

In this Episode you will hear audio recording excerpts from August 2015, of

James Schmucker Archer’s dear friend in Cape May who was a Beach Club lifeguard and who saved his life rescuing him from the ocean who is now working in the hospitality industry,

Of an Atlanticare trauma nurse, and of Louise recording notes to herself when she was driving home late at night from the hospital on Day 5.

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

#28 - I Didn’t See This One Coming Trauma Healing Learnings

#28 - I Didn't See This One Coming Trauma Healing Learnings

 

Even the strongest marriages can crumble when faced with trauma. This doesn't mean that the distorted statistics of divorce are descending on your marriage, at least it doesn't have to. Join Louise as she walks you through some of what she’s learned as a transformative mediator, but mainly as a wife and mother walking through her own trauma. She’s hoping you’ll find some glimmers of hope here if you are currently faced with the damage of trauma, old and new, still bombarding your life right now. Learn about how old unresolved trauma shows up. There is hope.

If you haven’t listened already to the story behind this learning, please listen in on Episode 25: I Didn't See This One Coming   

#27 - The ABC Board

#27 - The ABC Board

 

If your nose itches, you scratch it. If you can’t reach something, you ask someone to help you get it. But what if you can’t do either? Sometimes the best tools we have at our disposal are not high-tech. They can cost less than a cup of coffee but can be more valuable than a brick of gold. In this episode Louise and her oldest son, Pete, talk about the ABC Board and the gift of communication it gave them with Archer who had no movement, no voice, no ability to ask, request, or express, until with one letter at a time, we learn about ordinary and extraordinary needs.  Louise also wonders about the level of intimacy one can have with professional friends.

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 24: The ABC Board August 9. DAY 5. 

Listen in afterwards to what we can learn together about trauma. Episode 24: The ABC Board Trauma Healing Lesson. 
 

In this Episode you will hear interview excerpts from

Pete Senft: Louise’s son and Archer’s oldest brother, who was 21 at the time of Archer’s accident and in college, and is now a civil engineer at Whiting Turner Construction Company.

 

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

#26 - The ABC Board Trauma Healing Learnings

#26 - The ABC Board Trauma Healing Learnings

 

The story of Archer’s ABC board reminds us of resources within our grasp for communication such as simple tools of a notebook and pen, notes app on a phone, and a message board that you can make quickly and inexpensively. In this learning you’ll also hear why writing updates may aid you and others to live wholly again after a traumatic event and the difference in story-telling and retraumatization. You may find tips for yourself, or that you can share with a friend or family member going through a traumatic situation, tips that can aid in recovery from the trauma. Such tips can also be a bridge to relieve suffering and be the bridge for partnership between medical staff and families for patient well-being. 

If you haven’t listened already to the story behind this lesson, please listen in on Episode 24: The ABC Board.   

#25 - The Body Knows the Score Part 2

#25 - The Body Knows the Score Part 2

 

Has your heart leapt when you received a call, an email, a piece of mail, a visit from a specific person before you even knew the purpose of their communication? Do you ever tighten up with dread, fear, stress when certain people write to you as well? This is the body giving us wisdom and often protecting us, and Louise is reminded about somatic awareness. Louise continues her drive down the Garden State Parkway with James and has taken notice of those texting her that she drank in like a cool birdbath on a summer day, and others had her shoulders in her ears, holding her breath. Trauma can envelop us so deeply that we don’t even recognize where we are, when we’ve been there many times, just from a different path. Join Louise as she is reminded of the freeing beauty of silence and a long drive to let all guard down and allow emotion to take over and the body to allow its release, the start of trauma healing.

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 23: The Body Knows the Score Part 2 August 9. DAY 5. 

In this Episode you will hear interview excerpts from

James Schmucker: Archer’s dear friend in Cape May who was a Beach life guard and saved his life rescuing him from the ocean, and is currently working at Cape May Winery and Vineyard as fieldworker.

 

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

 

#24 - The Body Knows the Score

#24 - The Body Knows the Score

 

Heroes, including seasoned ones, experience trauma from the rescue event. It can change them forever. Louise reflected back on yesterday’s beautiful visit from Archer’s life-saving hero, James Schmucker, and the impact it had on both Archer and James as Archer expressed the gratitude he felt for his friend who saved his life. It was a gift of a deep moment between two friends, between a hero and the person he rescued. Louise wondered, How does a teenage boy process the fact that he almost lost his friend, and that he was instrumental in preventing that tragedy, that very real could have happened to him? Louise reminds us that more than the immediate circle of our “house family” is affected by a traumatic event and she begins the journey of sharing how trauma can be healed through the body. Join Louise as she takes you on a car ride on the Garden State Parkway, with James. And, she invites you to the rest of the story.

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 22: The Body Knows the Score August 9. DAY 5. 

 

In this Episode you will hear interview excerpts from

James Schmucker: Archer’s dear friend in Cape May who was a Beach life guard and saved his life rescuing him from the ocean, and is currently working at Cape May Winery and Vineyard as fieldworker.

 

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

#23 - Never Underestimate the Humanity of Boys

#23 - Never Underestimate the Humanity of Boys

 

Louise strongly encourages, almost begs us to PLEASE GO when we have loved ones in the hospital or in a debilitating situation. Your visits are life to the person in trauma and the family caring for them. You’ll hear about the spontaneity of two friends who drove through three states knowing they just had to go, even knowing they’d be “intruding” in an intimate space. They learned they were more a part of that intimacy than they ever realized.  You’ll hear the power of a few words from the only method of communication they had with Archer - the ABC board. What Louise didn’t know is that very soon, they would all be brought to their knees longing for these moments of communication.

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 21 Never Underestimate the Humanity of Boys August 8. DAY 4. 

 

In this Episode you will hear interview excerpts from

James Shiels: One of Archer's dear high school friends from the McDonogh School in Baltimore, and a Senior in college at California Berkeley at the time of the interview. 

Philippa Shiels:  James Shiels’ mother, but a stranger then to Louise when Archer was injured except for seeing each other in passing at high school lacrosse games. She is now a dear friend to Louise.

James Schmucker:  Archer’s dear friend in Cape May who was a Beach life guard and saved his life rescuing him from the ocean who is now working at the Cape May Winery and Vineyard.

Pete Senft: Louise’s son and Archer’s oldest brother, who was 21 at the time of Archer’s accident and in college, and is now a civil engineer at Whiting Turner Construction Company.

And live audio recordings from August 8, 2015 in the Intensive Care Unit

#22 - A Most Remarkable Day

#22 - A Most Remarkable Day

 

Can a professional be both emotionally present and expert at the same time? Do professionals need professional distance in order to best serve those they are protecting? Does a doctor’s clinical distance promote healing? Louise questions this. How do doctors and nurses go home at night to their families, while patients in the Intensive Care Units and their families stay awake all night experiencing trauma, fear, despair. Louise feels compassion for the neck surgeon and also confusion as she begins to wonder and question, How do they care for themselves? Or do they? When the doctors stated, “We almost lost him” the night before last, it was electrifying and suffocating at the same time. Narrow misses. Louise was learning how many they were racking up as they headed into Day 4.  Archer’s oldest brother Pete devises a creative communication device for Archer who has no ability to move or speak, but he can blink his eyes. Come listen to a thought-provoking episode that will leave you thinking and inspired. 

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 20 A Most Remarkable Day August 8. DAY 4. 

In this Episode you will hear interview excerpts from

Pete Senft, Louise’s son and Archer’s oldest brother, who was 21 at the time of Archer’s accident and in college, and is now a civil engineer at Whiting Turner Construction Company.

#21 - You Didn’t Have To, But You Did

#21 - You Didn't Have To, But You Did

 

“You almost lost your son last night,” was what that trauma nurse was really saying. It was a kindness. She didn’t have to say it, but she did. Archer had been close to dying last night and that reality was slowly and forcefully sinking in for Louise. For the very first time that she had observed, another nurse engaged Archer in conversation. She wasn’t just saying what she was doing, she was talking with him, and he with her with his eyes. She didn’t have to do that, but she did. It was kind. She pieced together the fact that Archer was a cook - a GREAT cook at the Beach Club. The extra, deep connections were flooding in from all fronts - texts to the family, especially Louise, texts from Archer’s friends, texts from friends of all areas of life. Louise wondered, When do boys become men? People were stretching themselves to hold up the Senft family in all kinds of unexpected ways. The facts were stark. Archer was paralyzed. He had lost his arms and hands and legs in a way that was not going to repair anytime soon.  It was clear, there were no lollipops and butterflies. But what else was clear?

 

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 19 You Didn’t Have To, But You Did August 7. DAY 3. 

 

In this Episode you will interview excerpts hear from

 

Sue Wunder, a special ed teacher for 30 years in the Cape May County Special Services School District, New Jersey. Sue is also the mother of Robbie Wunder, a quadriplegic.

 

Mike Determan, Archer’s friend since grade school days in Baltimore

And many texting friends

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

#20 - Gateway to Hope

#20 - Gateway to Hope

 

It may have been easier if Pete had not shared with Louise the dark reality he had been carrying “Why Archer and not me?” “It should have been me and not Archer”. Brutal thoughts. But real thoughts. These thoughts at one end hanging in an almost stagnant state of exhausted optimism countered with a friend’s hope-filled experience of Archer, “He started squeezing my hand and held it for 20 minutes.” Hope can transform a stark reality. Hope is not optimism. Hope is when we put our trust in someone trustworthy. In these moments, Louise had her hope in Shirley, and God. These she knew she could trust. Hope requires far more courage than optimism. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks teaches, “Optimism is the belief that the world is changing for the better; hope is the belief that, together, we can make the world better.” Having a gateway to hope can lead the way through a gateway to healing. 

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 18 Gateway to Hope August 7. DAY 3. 

In this episode, you will hear interview excerpts from

In this episode you will hear from:

Pete Senft, Louise's oldest son, and one of Archer’s older brothers, who was 21 at the time of Archer’s accident and is today a civil engineer at Whiting Turner and lives in Baltimore.

Paula Senft Easton, Louise’s eldest child, and only daughter, and Archer’s older sister, who was 24 at the time of Archer’s accident and is today the Associate Director of Admissions for the Friends School in Baltimore.

 

Dr. Kris Radcliff, a spinal surgeon with the Rothman Institute in Philadelphia and Archer’s neck surgeon at Atlanticare in 2015.

 

Shirley Davis Rawson, a family friend of the Senft’s, the Sacristan at the Cathedral of Mary Our Queen Catholic Church in Baltimore, 1996-2016, and a retired police officer with Baltimore County Police Department.

 

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

#19 - The New North Star

#19 - The New North Star

 

Scared and confused, Louise is still hopeful, until she is told “It was just a spasm,” by a nurse who once again callously dismisses her observation of her paralyzed son she was intensely watching over. Just a spasm? Did the hospital consider the impact of those words on Archer? You’ll hear about the terror from one of Archer’s rescuers and how it really was on the beach that day.  You’ll also hear about a video of strangers who gathered on the beach to pray for Archer. The news of Archer’s traumatic accident was in the newspapers. But Louise learned the hospital had issued a statement that her family did not wish to be contacted. Why did they say that without asking them? It seemed the hospital was making this traumatic injury worse. As a mom, she was facing more barriers to get simple medical information on her son. Did the staff drug Archer? Why didn’t anyone seek her consent?  Where was the policy written to allow his mother to know everything about his care, his tests, the drugs they had going into his body, and why.  As the intensity was wearing on her family, Louise shares her views about the real patient experience and what a healing mission might look like for hospitals. Is this the way hospitals are searching for to increase patient satisfaction? Join her as she opens an exploration of hospital policies and norms and how to change those that might actually create greater suffering and increase trauma for patients and for staff too. Could there be a new approach?

 

Join Louise for this episode of Blink of an Eye: Episode 17 The New North Star August 7. DAY 3. 

In this episode, you will hear interview excerpts from

Harry Back, who was the Assistant Manager at the Beach Club in Cape May at the time of Archer’s accident, responsible for his rescue off the beach, and today is the City of Cape May Supervisor of Beaches in charge of the Cape May Beach Patrol.

and

 

Mabeth Hudson who was a long time Cape May cottager and Beach Club member at the time of Archer’s accident, and is the Founder of Well for the Journey in Baltimore. She was at the Beach Club around the time of Archer’s accident. 

 

#hopeforeverything   #obtaineverything

This episode was sponsored by the Desatnick Foundation. You can find more information about their work at https://desatnickfoundation.org/.

#18 - Healing Trauma Guidebook: He Talked with God

#18 - Healing Trauma Guidebook: He Talked with God

 

Blink of an Eye is the story of a mom who receives the phone call that will change the rest of her — and her family’s — life. In this episode, you will hear a highlight from Louise's storytelling as these events dramatically, and rapidly unfolded in Episode 1: The Call, and a message for you to consider if faced with a traumatic event, as Louise shared in Episode 2: He talked with God. 

Louise invites you to listen to the full version of both Episode 1: The Call, and Episode 2: He Talked with God here.